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Post by mammajamma on Dec 24, 2020 12:21:58 GMT
About a month ago I told daughter goodbye, that I could not do the relationship the way she seemed to want it. It was too painful for me. Yesterday a package arrived, Christmas presents I assume, but I don't want to open it Some part of me is afraid to go back into the deep feelings of loss and rage at what feels like betrayal and abandonment. My ED wants a relationship that really doesn't consider myself or her sister. A nice polite relationship that does not honor the road we have all traveled together. ED is also in a relationship that is part of the catalyst for this estrangement, my ED is also a "successful alcoholic" I am living away from home helping my sister through chemo which is challenging enough. I want to be left alone to be as present to my sister as I can be. I can't do that while letting myself be vulnerable to my ED's cold demeanor and the impact it has on me. Not sure what to do. I do want to notice that there is a sense of being traumatized in just looking at the package, unopened, threatening to take me down emotionally again. Is this her way of showing that she loves me? That I have to play along with her idea of what our relationship is now? She can't hear how painful it is. I can't do what she wants me to do.
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Post by beanie on Dec 30, 2020 15:24:25 GMT
I understand how you're feeling. I'm not sure why they do the things they do. Your daughter might be trying to make an effort or she might just be trying to draw you back in just to hurt you again when you don't act or say the things she wants. It's really frustrating. As for me, I hate being thrown crumbs every once in awhile. I want a full, healthy relationship with love or nothing at all.
My daughter never called for Thanksgiving, and we never called her. I went out of state and spent Thanksgiving with my parents. I had no intention of buying her Christmas gifts, because I figured she wouldn't call or text no way. So, the first week in December, my daughter texts my husband saying she was shopping online and wanted to know what we wanted. Me, being the dumb a** that I am, got all excited and ran out and bought her gifts thinking she'd be coming for Christmas. Two days before Christmas, I text her to see if she's coming by to pick up her gifts. What do I get? Stone cold silence. I decided right then, that I'm done. On Christmas Eve night, my husband decides to call her and see if she was still coming by. She lied and told him she would. We haven't heard from her since, and she only lives 30 minutes away.
Last night, I opened up the present my husband picked out for her and I'm wearing the shirt right now. I plan on giving some of her gifts away and keeping some for myself. Her birthday is next week. I won't be texting, calling, or wasting money on her. She taught me a lesson. I'll never get my hopes up for her again!
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