Post by topiarystepmom on Nov 19, 2017 1:51:23 GMT
Originally posted November 2014
Thanksgiving is upon us - And as some of us try to adjust to not having families around to celebrate with - let's give thanks for what we are not missing.
Here was an example of what our Thanksgiving used to be like back in the day when we spent them with our kids.
We always drove down to our daughter's place - 6 hours one way - on Tuesday, with our dog and big boxes full of kitchen implements and special foods and spices that our ED did not have but which were necessary for the dishes she wanted me to cook. There were always fresh baked rolls that would go in the freezer.
I would start cooking on Wednesday morning. I would bake all the pies, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare all the casseroles. Our ED would be at work. One year I remember watching our 10 month old granddaughter while I cooked.
Thursday morning early (they ate early there), I would get up with our ED and help her with the turkey. I would help stuff and put it in the oven, then I would peel and cut up potatoes and carrots and set the table. Throughout the day, I would do little tasks that would make the day pleasant – arranging the flowers and, after she was born, watching our GD. When the turkey came out, I would make gravy.
If she was attending that year, the MOMMY would breeze in, bringing a store bought token and occasionally, the boyfriend dujour. We would all eat dinner and dessert. And then, as quickly as it started, the holiday would be over. So on Friday, we would then would pack up the dog and all the implements and leave for home – traveling yet another 6 hours. Needless to say – it always seemed to be a really looong, tiring holiday.
But since we don't speak to our children, what do we do now?
On Wednesday, I’ll bake some tarts, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare a squash puree.
On Thursday early we’ll build a fire, have breakfast and watch the parade and some of the dog show. We’ll play with our dogs - take them for a walk down the outdoor mall (which will be empty) or in our fields. Around 1pm I’ll prepare and stuff the turkey and put it in the oven. I’ll peel the potatoes and carrots. At around 5pm, I’ll take the turkey out and make the gravy. We'll have some appetizers and a cocktail, then we’ll eat at 6:30 – a far better time for us. And later, we’ll have our dessert while watching tv or a movie.
So what’s the difference? We don’t have to travel, We don’t have to sleep anywhere for 3 days, I don’t have to bring supplies anywhere. I have all my cookware available to me. I don’t have to put up with our ED’s and SIL’s smoking and the stink in our clothes and hair when we got home that made washing EVERY piece of clothing we brought there mandatory. My husband isn’t tired from driving, I’m much more relaxed.
But more important, we don’t have to suffer through forced conversations and jovial remarks. We don’t have to suppress how uncomfortable we were on the roll-out couch and then, the mattress with the coil poking through the surface. We don't have to deal with the unlimited whispering and the clandestine meetings in the kitchen where the conversation stops dead (and you get the stinkeye), if you happen to walk in to get some ice cubes. We don't have to experience the vague yet distinct vibe that we aren't truly welcome but we are being tolerated for the sake of "family". And, most important of all, we don’t have to see The MOMMY! To us, that’s a BIG win!
Our ED’s last words to us were that if we “didn’t forget about the past and learn to overcome our anger, we would be rendered “utterly alone””.
Hmm….let’s see – Drive long distances, work my ass off and deal with superficial bullshit, or enjoy the holiday Utterly Alone. I think we have found just one more thing we can be thankful for.
Thanksgiving is just another day. Whether you are eating a dinner with a huge amount of people, or a sandwich by yourself, please stop and consider giving thanks for all those things you have gained in your journey of walking away: Peace of mind, independence of spirit and the absence of bullshit in your life.
Here’s wishing all of you a happy and peaceful and enjoyable Thanksgiving!
Sincerely,
T.K.
Thanksgiving is upon us - And as some of us try to adjust to not having families around to celebrate with - let's give thanks for what we are not missing.
Here was an example of what our Thanksgiving used to be like back in the day when we spent them with our kids.
We always drove down to our daughter's place - 6 hours one way - on Tuesday, with our dog and big boxes full of kitchen implements and special foods and spices that our ED did not have but which were necessary for the dishes she wanted me to cook. There were always fresh baked rolls that would go in the freezer.
I would start cooking on Wednesday morning. I would bake all the pies, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare all the casseroles. Our ED would be at work. One year I remember watching our 10 month old granddaughter while I cooked.
Thursday morning early (they ate early there), I would get up with our ED and help her with the turkey. I would help stuff and put it in the oven, then I would peel and cut up potatoes and carrots and set the table. Throughout the day, I would do little tasks that would make the day pleasant – arranging the flowers and, after she was born, watching our GD. When the turkey came out, I would make gravy.
If she was attending that year, the MOMMY would breeze in, bringing a store bought token and occasionally, the boyfriend dujour. We would all eat dinner and dessert. And then, as quickly as it started, the holiday would be over. So on Friday, we would then would pack up the dog and all the implements and leave for home – traveling yet another 6 hours. Needless to say – it always seemed to be a really looong, tiring holiday.
But since we don't speak to our children, what do we do now?
On Wednesday, I’ll bake some tarts, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare a squash puree.
On Thursday early we’ll build a fire, have breakfast and watch the parade and some of the dog show. We’ll play with our dogs - take them for a walk down the outdoor mall (which will be empty) or in our fields. Around 1pm I’ll prepare and stuff the turkey and put it in the oven. I’ll peel the potatoes and carrots. At around 5pm, I’ll take the turkey out and make the gravy. We'll have some appetizers and a cocktail, then we’ll eat at 6:30 – a far better time for us. And later, we’ll have our dessert while watching tv or a movie.
So what’s the difference? We don’t have to travel, We don’t have to sleep anywhere for 3 days, I don’t have to bring supplies anywhere. I have all my cookware available to me. I don’t have to put up with our ED’s and SIL’s smoking and the stink in our clothes and hair when we got home that made washing EVERY piece of clothing we brought there mandatory. My husband isn’t tired from driving, I’m much more relaxed.
But more important, we don’t have to suffer through forced conversations and jovial remarks. We don’t have to suppress how uncomfortable we were on the roll-out couch and then, the mattress with the coil poking through the surface. We don't have to deal with the unlimited whispering and the clandestine meetings in the kitchen where the conversation stops dead (and you get the stinkeye), if you happen to walk in to get some ice cubes. We don't have to experience the vague yet distinct vibe that we aren't truly welcome but we are being tolerated for the sake of "family". And, most important of all, we don’t have to see The MOMMY! To us, that’s a BIG win!
Our ED’s last words to us were that if we “didn’t forget about the past and learn to overcome our anger, we would be rendered “utterly alone””.
Hmm….let’s see – Drive long distances, work my ass off and deal with superficial bullshit, or enjoy the holiday Utterly Alone. I think we have found just one more thing we can be thankful for.
Thanksgiving is just another day. Whether you are eating a dinner with a huge amount of people, or a sandwich by yourself, please stop and consider giving thanks for all those things you have gained in your journey of walking away: Peace of mind, independence of spirit and the absence of bullshit in your life.
Here’s wishing all of you a happy and peaceful and enjoyable Thanksgiving!
Sincerely,
T.K.