self-harmed myself over drama | Parents Who Walk Away

treatedlikedirt
New Member

Posts: 33

self-harmed myself over drama Oct 25, 2017 2:24:30 GMT via mobile

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Post by treatedlikedirt on Oct 25, 2017 2:24:30 GMT

Yes, I did. It really was THAT bad!!! I didnt do enough damage to make me die, or make me need stitches, nor did I do enough damage that would warrant a trip to the ER. It was minor, but my point is that it was still self harm. Im worried that if I continue this unhealthy relationship with her, that I might do something worse to myself. This is the 2nd time this happened to me and Im starting to realize that her drama is not good for my emotional and physical well being. I am in a better place than I was yesterday. In case your wondering, I am in therapy and also under the care of a psychiatrist. My God, how could the child I created in my body make me this suicidal? Since writing to other mothers who have dwelt with this drama here also, I figured this is also helpful therapy for me to help me heal, I figured I would write.

So heres what happened. Now before I begin I need to say that the drama with DD has gone on for years. Years and years of trying to show her how much I loved her. And here I am 7 years later and still nothing works. Last night DD made yet again drama over something minor. She got angry at me for saving some photos of her wedding in my cellphone. I was at the wedding so I figured it was okay. She then took revenge on me and put the worst, God awful photos of me on Facebook. Friends and so many people I knew also could see those photos. They weren't nude photos or anything like that, just very bad photos and she knew it would hurt me. These photos could eventually show up on Google. I sat on the couch in shock for 3 hours. I felt like I was raped. I have no control over what she posts. All because I saved some of her wedding photos to a wedding she invited me too? I never showed her wedding photos to anyone. I did it only on my phone because I was excited and she is still my daughter. Why oh why she made such a huge mountain over something simple is beyond me. So last night I deactivated my FB. Its too hurtful to see her posting photos of me out of revenge. I do realize that walking away from her is best and believe me I have tried, but 3 months later she always comes knocking on my door again and its always an emergency. The last time she came into my life was because she was in a car accident. And she sucks me back in every time.

I do have an appointment with my therapist soon. I do realize I need help before I harm myself worse. Im contemplating on blocking her on my phone, but then she contacts my husband and I still cannot get away from the drama. I have even considered divorce because my husband and I are not on the same page. She doesn't hurt him. Only me. Please, I need your advice.

thanks!

topiarystepmom
Administrator

Posts: 126

self-harmed myself over drama Oct 26, 2017 0:57:58 GMT

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Post by topiarystepmom on Oct 26, 2017 0:57:58 GMT

Okay - simple things first - you can reactivate Facebook, change your name and unfriend and block your daughter. This will do two things. Get you connected back with FB friends - who you can communicate with - and empower you with cutting ties with your daughter by unfriending and blocking her. Do that first - you will feel better. When we first decided to walk away, it was the first thing I did to both children and the GD. It made me feel much better and in control. You giving up facebook doesn't hurt anybody but you - take back your power!

Next. You and your husband need to have a heart to heart about your daughter. Not a problem that she calls him but he cannot be infusing your life with her drama. If he wants to still have a relationship with her, you cannot stop them - nor should you but you have a right to your feelings too. If your husband KNOWS that you are distressed and hurting yourself and going to therapy and he still involves you with your daughter's bullshit, it is proof positive that he doesn't respect your feelings and sadly, this is something I believe you might eventually have to come to terms with.

Write a letter telling your daughter that her behavior is unacceptable and will NOT be tolerated by you anymore and then - here's where folks will disagree with me - SEND IT to her! If she complains to her father - let her! Who gives a shit. You need to shed this feeling of powerlessness. Tell her to shove her wedding pictures and the fb pictures of you up her dysfunctional ass and to NOT talk to you again. If you keep doing this back and forth - on again, off again, thing with her, you will put yourself on a totally destructive path that will be increasingly difficult to disengage from in the future! Your daughter sounds very dysfunctional and immature. Walking away from her can only be good for you - and since you already hurt yourself - you don't have to do THAT ever again so please DON'T - okay?

You can do this - don't allow yourself to be abused by this person - you carried her - but so what - she's made her feelings abundantly clear - so it's now time to say FUCK YOU to HER!

Now - go get back on facebook and take back your power - Delete and Block the bitch!

Let us know how you are doing okay?
We're here for you
T.K.

Last Edit: Oct 26, 2017 17:25:27 GMT by topiarystepmom

treatedlikedirt
New Member

Posts: 33

self-harmed myself over drama Oct 27, 2017 22:31:18 GMT via mobile topiarystepmom likes this

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Post by treatedlikedirt on Oct 27, 2017 22:31:18 GMT

Wow! That was a great answer. I wonder why my last two therapists kept telling me to keep loving her blah blah blah? She is 23 now. Am I supposed to wait until hell freezes over? If loving them through their abusive and disrespectful behavior is the answer, than how come so many parents have children who are in their 40’s and 50’s that are not yet changed?

Im so glad there are parents here who truly get it. Many people blame the parents, but at what point is an adult child responsible for their own actions? Where do we draw the line?

Thank you SO Much!!!! Ive spoken to a few people and your the only one who made me feel better. So much better. I loved your message!! Thank you!!