jennb
New Member
Posts: 16
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Post by jennb on Apr 3, 2018 17:52:54 GMT
Treatedlikedirt....you are so right on the money to keep the perspective of it being her child, not yours!!! In retrospect, I made the mistake of putting myself in sort of a "co-parenting" role, mostly because my son and DIL knew they could use us and prey on our love with the grandbabies!!! We became too involved in the basic things/needs like food, clothes, Dr appointments, diapers/formula for twins...mega money flying out the door every month!!! Things that are generally considered to be the responsibility of parents, not GMA and GPA!! I lacked role models at every level and failed miserably at establishing healthy boundaries from the jump!! Soooo stupid!!!! In the argument with our son he ultimately said "MY kids!!! MY family!!!" and I was glad to hear that but I also thought "Where was that voice 4 yrs ago asshole??" I would swear he was switched at birth in the hospital, can't be MY son!!, but the girl twin, Ella Daisy, looks too much like me to deny...
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Post by sovgrateful on Apr 3, 2018 21:55:04 GMT
treatedlikedirt..your reaction of "don't contact me again" will be the right one. It's never too late. Of course the unborn baby is already being used as a pawn, imagine how much worse that will get when the child is born and beyond. How silly and lost in "new baby-landia" she will feel, when she realizes you are not playing the game anymore. Actions = consequences!
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Post by treatedlikedirt on Apr 3, 2018 22:27:34 GMT
JennB, You sound alot like me. It sounds like you had a genunie desire to love your grandkids and be a part of their lives. What do you think would have happened if you set boundaries 4 years ago and didnt give a damn? I bet your son and DIL would have cut you off from the getgo, along with a smearing campaign entailing lies to everyone they knew that you were a toxic person. I can almost hear the smearing campaign, “Oh, we had to go no contact with her because she was a very toxic person.” And you know what? The people they are hurting the most is their children. Here in Indiana, the elementary schools gave a grandparents day. Its really sweet. The grandkids get to take the grandparents by hand around the classroom and show them all the schoolwork they did. After that, one of the grandparents can even volunteer to read a book to the classroom such as, “love you forever” by Robert Munsch. Then they get to eat lunch with them. Sadly, my parents were never there for that. They lived in Florida at the time and couldn’t afford to fly up. On those days my children would come home feeling sad. They would say, “All my friends had grandparents come to the school and I had no one Mom!!” It broke my heart. Job transfers and the fact that the cost of living was all too expensive in Florida was something they could not understand. But they did understand the lonliness, which was also at school musicals and every graduation ceremony. There were times when I cried in the shower just so they couldn’t see how badly I felt for them. I didn’t want them to hurt more than they already did. I told myself that I would never do that to my own grandchildren. I wanted so badly to give my grandchildren a life of love, and sometimes that didn’t always include money. I also wanted to break the cycle of dysfunction. And you know what the sadest part in all of this is? I now cry because I wasn’t able to give my grandchildren that life that my own children experienced. Thats why I say that the people they are hurting the most is our grandchildren. Maybe someday when their kids come home crying, they will realize how cutting us off hurt them the most. 😥
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Post by treatedlikedirt on Apr 3, 2018 22:41:05 GMT
Thank you. Not playing the game anymore. Actions = consequences. Those are great words of wisdom for me to remember when I get onto sad mode. I even deleted my FB account since almost every family member gets to be a part of my future grandchild's life except me. Too complicated of a mess. For me, it was the healthier option. Thank you again. treatedlikedirt..your reaction of "don't contact me again" will be the right one. It's never too late. Of course the unborn baby is already being used as a pawn, imagine how much worse that will get when the child is born and beyond. How silly and lost in "new baby-landia" she will feel, when she realizes you are not playing the game anymore. Actions = consequences!
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Post by topiarystepmom on Apr 4, 2018 16:21:25 GMT
The estrangement stuff has really quieted down..the new support website is like a whisper as compared to the old DS days. For my husband and myself, life is far more centered aand happy than when the last round of dysfunction started with our daughter almost 7 years ago. The finalizing dysfunction with our son started even earlier...almost 11 years ago. Our youngest will have passed away 10 years in May. Time sure flies and yet, repeatedly, we are reminded and remain totally convinced, that walking away was really the right thing to do for us. No regrets ever! I check this site regularly and occasionally will post an old PWWA rant but my heart is really not in it anymore. We are really over it and life feels very fine.
I will keep the site going as a lifeline for others who might be struggling.
Enjoy the spring Take Care, T. K.
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