jennb
New Member
Posts: 16 
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Post by jennb on Jul 27, 2017 2:35:06 GMT
Man, sometimes I feel so sad about not seeing or talking to my son.....and grandkids. It's been nearly four years now and I'm not prone to automatically bawling up to high heaven when I think about them, like I used to. But still...I miss the "what used to be" not what is now a different reality in that the kids have grown so much and in school now. We all know their values change a bit once they gain friends and school activities, etc., GMA and GPA become less important...all very natural, but it is normally a gradual pulling away and easier to swallow. I know there's not much traffic on this site these days, a good thing!, but I just needed a sympathetic ear to hear my pain today. My son was such a funny, witty guy, always made me laugh....great conversationalist..... I do miss him😥 what a f-ing waste of time, money, effort, worry, sacrifice, love, patience and 30 yrs. Trying to find the great gal I was before I became wife, mother, employee....thanks for listening.
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Post by treatedlikedirt on Jul 27, 2017 13:06:36 GMT
Im so sorry 😢. I know what that is like. I miss my daughter too, but I dont miss the drama. Have you tried reaching out to him?
Hugs 🤗
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Post by topiarystepmom on Aug 4, 2017 22:49:29 GMT
I don't know your story but if you walked away from someone who hurt you, time doesn't necessarily change anything. Judging by your handle, If you were mistreated WHY would you want to return to that environment?
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Post by ginateresa on Jan 4, 2018 15:30:27 GMT
I feel your pain....I hope you are doing better today.
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Post by 16kids on Feb 8, 2018 1:48:00 GMT
I am new to this site. Thanks to all who went before me. My ED had twin boys early December. Have not heard from her. I miss having a daughter to laugh with, shop with and share a mature healthy mother daughter relationship - but not missing her. I grieve the loss of the daughter of my imagination and the darling girl she was. Not the person she has become. She and my SIL have a codependent relationship and since he doesn't like her stepdad and especially me, they are very toxic to us. We wish them all only the best.
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jennb
New Member
Posts: 16
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Post by jennb on Feb 8, 2018 3:32:05 GMT
16kids, I completely understand... My son and DIL had twins, boy and girl, my only grandkids, loved them dearly and we're very close until they were 4 1/2, when the shit hit the fan! They turned 9 this past Monday, I didn't send anything for Christmas or their birthdays.... figured if I can't see them, why bother. My DIL carries my son's testicles in her purse so what the hell can I do?!? Isn't it crazy how many of us have the same story? You're so right about the grieving process.... I'm feeling better and stronger since my last post in July of last year (above)....am finding that putting myself first is getting easier and buying jewelry helps with that struggle : )
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Post by topiarystepmom on Feb 9, 2018 3:16:08 GMT
You all are going to be just fine. You need to concentrate on yourselves...what you want YOUR lives to be. It gets easier as time goes by...hang in there..okay?
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Post by sovgrateful on Mar 26, 2018 0:51:54 GMT
Top is right, we have all walked the walk, and we survived and thrived. There will actually come a time when you are grateful that it happened in the first place. When you look back with hindsight on all the upset and chaos that was created by that particular person. It's not worth it, life is seriously too short to be dealing with such toxicity. I lost a good school friend recently (her dad is still alive at 95!) She died at 65. I was in contact after with her forty-something half estranged daughter by email. She lives in Ireland. Her mother adored her, she had her very young, and she was the light of her life. This daughter still harbors resentment for her mother, she actually reiterated that they "didn't get along or see eye to eye" and she's gone, too soon. So folks we have to think of ourselves as Top says. You guys will get there.
We all have moments of "happy memories" sure, but as time goes by you remember, smile, and move on. It gets so much easier. The old cliché about "time being a healer" is true in this situation.
I miss you all.. I will drop by more often now.. Take care..
Sov
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Post by sovgrateful on Mar 26, 2018 0:56:21 GMT
Btw 16kids, you're right. You miss "the daughter of your imagination" So true, we can all relate to that. The "invasion of the body snatcher" was a big shock to me too!
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Post by sovgrateful on Mar 26, 2018 1:00:09 GMT
I know jennB it was a waste of time and money and effort, most of all squandered "love" TG we realized tho, otherwise how many more years would we have wasted? Hang in there!
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Post by treatedlikedirt on Mar 26, 2018 3:44:05 GMT
JennB- I love what you wrote, “My DIL carries my sons balls in her purse” Thats a great analogy!! I call them “gatekeppers” but I like your anology better!!
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jennb
New Member
Posts: 16
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Post by jennb on Mar 26, 2018 21:50:53 GMT
Thanks sograteful and treatedlikedirt for responding, gave me a chuckle and glad to hear directly about all this shit!!!! Man, good days and bad ones, right? True enough though, more good than bad now after nearly 5 yrs!! If anyone else reads this, I've figured out that I can stop the sad thoughts most of the time by simply making a conscious effort to immediately redirect my mind to a happier subject, like what flowers I'm going to plant, etc. If I don't get a handle on it quickly, I've found I tend to dive into a "funk", so to speak, and it's tough to dig out for a week or more. Just saying, food for thought for others struggling...kinda simplistic and maybe considered avoidance, but I do it to survive 💯💓👍
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Post by sovgrateful on Mar 29, 2018 2:18:49 GMT
Great advice jennB! The mind shift to a happier thought is a good one! We get better at catching those "gloomy" thoughts as the time goes by. I too had a giggle at your description of your DIL's purse!! Love it!! I will take the opportunity to wish you all a Happy Easter/Passover and I wish you all serenity and happiness, one day at a time!  |
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Post by treatedlikedirt on Mar 29, 2018 5:31:03 GMT
JennB- if it helps any, my DD already decided that Im out of my grandchilds life permanently, and it hasnt even been born yet!! She’s only 10 wks pregnant and already is using her kid as a pawn. Her father and I got “sucked” back down the rabbitt hole when she got into a car accident. Urgh! How blind we were! Big mistake!! So here we are, back in the same seat again. If I get another emergency call I will say “dont contact me again”. I dont want to get attached to a grandchild that I will never see.
I know that there are some great grandparents out there, and this may sound harsh, but I have told myself that its still HER kid. SHE gets to deal with the lack of sleep, the labor pains and so much more. She only contacts us when its some dyre emergency. Shes 24 now. Just wait until the baby comes. She can shove her emergency and HER baby up her ass!! I should have given myself the handle of “7 years 2 late.”
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Post by chickensoup on Mar 30, 2018 22:56:16 GMT
Jennb it gets easier as time goes by.
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