Post by topiarystepmom on Feb 22, 2017 1:27:51 GMT
An oldie - originally posted on the former D/S site - but still IMO as relevant today!
Making It Stop
Orginally Posted on 04/05/13, 07:08 pm
Today I was thinking about the whole situation with our children - what had happened - how it got to the place it did - why I wrote that letter. I imagined a conversation with our ED where she would ask why I had been moved to communicate in such a way to her (although she never did question why originally, since this is MY made up conversation, I thought the question had some merit lol)
I thought about all the answers I could give her - That we were fed up, that we couldn't deal with the superficial relationship - that we were tired of the duplicity - all the reasons I already cited in the letter. But I came up with an even more honest answer -
I just wanted to make it stop.
As with anything to do with pain, our instinct is to make it stop - if music is too loud, we turn the radio down or off. If we are in pain, we take medication, If a baby cries, we pick it up and rock it - or feed it - or change it until the crying stops. We make it stop - because it is unpleasant to have it (whatever the unpleasantness it is), go on.
It is my contention that our EC were never really happy in their relationships with us - thus - with avoidance, exclusion, occasional sarcasm and intermittent estrangements, they had actually "faked" their way through a relationship that lasted almost 40 years - Sort of like good Catholics tolerating a spouse in a very bad marriage - "going through the motions" because, as good Catholics, they know they can never get divorced and finally be free.
Of course, when people put themselves through something like this - especially when they have so little feeling behind it - they usually feel resentful - they feel that they have "wasted" their time - going through the motions - As such, they feel that any little turd of attention they've thrown at you is not appreciated. And since they did not receive the appropriate gratitude (which, of course, they feel entitled to), they are bound to feel PISSED OFF!
So what good could come of "relationships" such as these? They are doomed from the get go - And dragging them on and on ad nauseum doesn't have any redeeming benefits.
So not only were we unhappy, but I believe it was safe to assume that THEY were unhappy too. And if this was the case, I did our ED a big solid by writing that letter and maneuvering her into being "done" - and you can believe me folks - it didn't take much maneuvering on my part at all....Therefore, I not only made it stop for us - I made it stop for her as well. And as for our turd of a son, I had made THAT stop long before the deal went down with our ED.
Okay - so maybe I don't have the stomach or toughness for pain that others might possess - So what? Who wants to feel that kind of pain forever? Not Me. When something hurts, I tend to want it to stop hurting.
And so I make it stop!
Making It Stop
Orginally Posted on 04/05/13, 07:08 pm
Today I was thinking about the whole situation with our children - what had happened - how it got to the place it did - why I wrote that letter. I imagined a conversation with our ED where she would ask why I had been moved to communicate in such a way to her (although she never did question why originally, since this is MY made up conversation, I thought the question had some merit lol)
I thought about all the answers I could give her - That we were fed up, that we couldn't deal with the superficial relationship - that we were tired of the duplicity - all the reasons I already cited in the letter. But I came up with an even more honest answer -
I just wanted to make it stop.
As with anything to do with pain, our instinct is to make it stop - if music is too loud, we turn the radio down or off. If we are in pain, we take medication, If a baby cries, we pick it up and rock it - or feed it - or change it until the crying stops. We make it stop - because it is unpleasant to have it (whatever the unpleasantness it is), go on.
It is my contention that our EC were never really happy in their relationships with us - thus - with avoidance, exclusion, occasional sarcasm and intermittent estrangements, they had actually "faked" their way through a relationship that lasted almost 40 years - Sort of like good Catholics tolerating a spouse in a very bad marriage - "going through the motions" because, as good Catholics, they know they can never get divorced and finally be free.
Of course, when people put themselves through something like this - especially when they have so little feeling behind it - they usually feel resentful - they feel that they have "wasted" their time - going through the motions - As such, they feel that any little turd of attention they've thrown at you is not appreciated. And since they did not receive the appropriate gratitude (which, of course, they feel entitled to), they are bound to feel PISSED OFF!
So what good could come of "relationships" such as these? They are doomed from the get go - And dragging them on and on ad nauseum doesn't have any redeeming benefits.
So not only were we unhappy, but I believe it was safe to assume that THEY were unhappy too. And if this was the case, I did our ED a big solid by writing that letter and maneuvering her into being "done" - and you can believe me folks - it didn't take much maneuvering on my part at all....Therefore, I not only made it stop for us - I made it stop for her as well. And as for our turd of a son, I had made THAT stop long before the deal went down with our ED.
Okay - so maybe I don't have the stomach or toughness for pain that others might possess - So what? Who wants to feel that kind of pain forever? Not Me. When something hurts, I tend to want it to stop hurting.
And so I make it stop!
