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Post by honeycrisp on Nov 26, 2016 1:56:00 GMT
Have been MIA for quite some time. We just went through a Thanksgiving with minimal and I mean minimal contact with children. One went to my wicked older sisters house who hates me and spent the day, the other said he would call back after he got out of Walmart. Still waiting. So tired of feeling sad and forgotten.
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Post by nightsky on Nov 26, 2016 11:00:14 GMT
honeycrisp ~ Do the best you can to be gentle with yourself. Sometimes we need to accept that it is what it is and let go of those who drain our spirits and reject us by failing to treat us with respect and not returning our love. Loving ourselves, taking care of ourselves, doing things that make us happy is not being selfish - it is a necessity. (((Hugs))) ~ Anne
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Post by honeycrisp on Nov 26, 2016 15:07:04 GMT
Thankyou. I know you are right. Nursing a broken heart...
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Post by topiarystepmom on Nov 26, 2016 21:28:23 GMT
You are better off being without these drains on your time and energy. Welcome back Honey!
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Post by sovgrateful on Nov 26, 2016 22:52:00 GMT
Good to hear from you Honey..the holidays are always the worst.. Hang in there, we are all with you!
Btw, Top is right as we know..you really ARE better off without them..in your deepest core you know that.
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Post by nightsky on Nov 27, 2016 4:13:22 GMT
Thankyou. I know you are right. Nursing a broken heart... Honey, we have all been there. And we all did the step forward, fall back game more than once. My self-therapy was writing... letters to our ES that were never mailed... and letters to myself to continually remind myself of the crap ES had put us through and the need to stand firm and not ever let him cross my boundaries again. I would sit & reread those letters on a regular basis over the years. I did finally destroy them because I no longer need reminders to stand strong against abusive behaviors. |
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Post by topiarystepmom on Nov 27, 2016 15:44:45 GMT
I wrote letters too - but I actually SENT them (lol) I kept copies and I read them once in a while - if only just to affirm or reaffirm several things.
1. That what happened really DID happen and that the act of writing it down now chronicles those events for posterity
2. That our EC were (are) really the scumbags we always suspected they were
3. That they now have NO delusions about who we are, what we want and how we feel about them and their crappy relationships with us.
Writing about the mistreatment from your ECs and how it will no longer be tolerated? = Good Therapy
Letting your EC know exactly what you think about them? = PRICELESS!
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Post by honeycrisp on Nov 27, 2016 20:26:38 GMT
I am in a dark place. Was invited to our sons house to meet new girlfriend and her parents. As we had only received a 2 word text from him on Thanksgiving, I was increasingly angry. Got to his house was there for less than 10 minutes, confirmed he was at my nieces for Thanksgiving, who hates me, and I lost it. Uttered the F word and grabbed stuff and left. Told everyone I could not deal with this anymore. I should not have gone there in the first place. Seemed like this was our pacification dinner as we were not good enough to be with on Thanksgiving. He is totally appalled at my behavior, can't say I blame him, but now am beating the hell out of myself. Wanted to end my life so badly. Don't think he will ever forgive me, ever. Facing holidays alone, this time my fault
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Post by sovgrateful on Nov 27, 2016 23:17:29 GMT
Honey, your reaction was more than justified. I would have felt the same. You feel that your son would rather spend his Thanksgiving with your niece (who you dislike) than you. I get it. That's the problem with being around those we have estranged in the past, the old wound keeps getting reopened. They make sure it does! He knew that you would be offended to hear of his Thanksgiving at your niece's and he told you to upset you in my mind.
It's the old "hidden agenda" game playing, been there, lived through it so many times. I would now be a total basket case if I had kept our piece of work in our lives! It's not your fault. Then you have to ask yourself a question, is all this anguish worth it? Only you can answer that.
Just know that any of us here would have reacted in exactly the same manner. Hang in there!
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Post by nightsky on Nov 29, 2016 8:16:04 GMT
Honey - You were totally right to be upset. But with that said, that boy was purposely jerking you around just so he could look like the victim to others. I have a lot of experience with narcissists - my mother was and is one along with all three of my step-mothers. And I thank the Lord daily for the fact that my mother was basically a stranger in my early life and that my grandmother raised me during those early formative years. So when our ES started pulling that crap around others I should have known better but I did fall for it the first couple of times ES did it. But after that he no longer could get the kind of reaction he wanted so he tried even harder & I still refused to give him the satisfaction, instead either I (& sometimes DH) would wait a bit before apologizing for having to leave early & always with a good solid ironclad reason. My refusal to play his game started making him lose his cool and he ended up looking like the desperate jackass he is by flipping out when we would leave. Now that does not mean I was not angry about what he was doing - I just refused to give him the satisfaction of me showing my anger and displeasure with him - especially in front of others. But I always allowed myself to vent a bit after leaving ES - be it to DH, to one of my friends, or by writing a letter. Venting is good - so feel free to vent away because we all understand what you are going through. We have been there.
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Post by honeycrisp on Nov 30, 2016 15:31:54 GMT
Actually our son does not tell of us his plans as he knows it will upset us. I asked his girlfriend and she didn't know enough to not tell me. So I found out what I already suspected from her. He just doesn't realize how much it hurts us.
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