Post by topiarystepmom on Nov 16, 2016 2:03:51 GMT
Since next week is Thanksgiving, I thought I would bring back this old post from the original DS site - I hope all of you have a happy Thanksgiving holiday
Giving Thanks
Written in November, 2014
What are we missing?
Today, mindful of tomorrow’s impending snowstorm, I traversed the wooded areas of our property – gathering dead branches sticks for kindling. Thanksgiving looms before me, and so, of course, my thoughts turned to Thanksgivings and other holidays that have gone before. Many of them over the past 40 years have been celebrated with just my husband and myself. We spent several of them with my brother’s family and several were spent with friends. And, of course, there were those that were spent with our EC.
So as I bent to pick up each branch, crack it and place it in the wheelbarrow, I thought of what those latter Thanksgivings really had meant to us. We were with our children and grandchild, but often my husband’s ex was there as well.
We always drove the 6 hours on Tuesday, with our dog and my big boxes full of kitchen implements and special foods and spices that our ED did not have but which were necessary for the dishes she wanted me to cook. There were always fresh baked rolls that would go in the freezer.
I would start cooking on Wednesday morning. I would bake all the pies, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare all the casseroles. Our ED would be at work. One year I remember watching our 10 month old GD while I cooked.
Thursday morning early (they ate early there), I would get up with our ED and help her with the turkey. I would help stuff and put it in the oven, then I would peel and cut up potatoes and carrots and set the table. Throughout the day, I would do little tasks that would make the day pleasant – arranging the flowers and, after she was born, watching our GD. When the turkey came out, I would make gravy.
If she was attending that year, the MOMMY would breeze in, bringing a store bought token and occasionally the boyfriend dujour. We would all eat dinner and dessert. And then the holiday would be over. As quickly as it started, it would be over. We would usually would pack up the dog and all the implements and leave on Friday – traveling the 6 hours back home. Needless to say – it always seemed to be a really looong, tiring holiday.
So what do we do now?
On Wednesday, I’ll bake some tarts, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare a squash puree.
On Thursday early we’ll build a fire, have breakfast and watch the parade and some of the dog show. We’ll play with our dogs. Around 1pm I’ll prepare and stuff the turkey and put it in the oven. I’ll peel the potatoes and carrots. At around 5pm, I’ll take the turkey out and make the gravy. We’ll eat at 6:30 – a far better time for us. And later, we’ll have our dessert while watching tv or a movie.
So what’s the difference? We don’t have to travel, We don’t have to sleep anywhere for 3 days, I don’t have to bring supplies anywhere. I have all my cookware available to me. I don’t have to put up with our ED’s and SIL’s smoking – the stink in our clothes and hair when we got home that made washing EVERY piece of clothing we brought there mandatory. My husband isn’t tired from driving, I’m much more relaxed.
But more important, we don’t have to suffer through forced conversations and jovial remarks. We don’t have to suppress how uncomfortable we were on the roll-out couch and then, the mattress with the coil poking through the surface. And, most important of all, we don’t have to see The MOMMY! To us, that’s a BIG win!
Our ED’s last words to us were that if we “didn’t forget about the past and learn to overcome our anger, we would be rendered “utterly alone””.
Hmm….let’s see – Drive long distances, work your ass off and deal with superficial bullshit or enjoy our holiday Utterly Alone. I think we have found just one more thing we can be thankful for.
Thanksgiving is just another day. Whether you are eating a dinner with a huge amount of people, or a sandwich by yourself, please stop and consider giving thanks for all those things you have gained in your journey of walking away: Peace of mind, independence of spirit and the absence of bullshit in your life.
Here’s wishing all of you a happy and peaceful and enjoyable Thanksgiving!
Sincerely,
T.K.
Giving Thanks
Written in November, 2014
What are we missing?
Today, mindful of tomorrow’s impending snowstorm, I traversed the wooded areas of our property – gathering dead branches sticks for kindling. Thanksgiving looms before me, and so, of course, my thoughts turned to Thanksgivings and other holidays that have gone before. Many of them over the past 40 years have been celebrated with just my husband and myself. We spent several of them with my brother’s family and several were spent with friends. And, of course, there were those that were spent with our EC.
So as I bent to pick up each branch, crack it and place it in the wheelbarrow, I thought of what those latter Thanksgivings really had meant to us. We were with our children and grandchild, but often my husband’s ex was there as well.
We always drove the 6 hours on Tuesday, with our dog and my big boxes full of kitchen implements and special foods and spices that our ED did not have but which were necessary for the dishes she wanted me to cook. There were always fresh baked rolls that would go in the freezer.
I would start cooking on Wednesday morning. I would bake all the pies, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare all the casseroles. Our ED would be at work. One year I remember watching our 10 month old GD while I cooked.
Thursday morning early (they ate early there), I would get up with our ED and help her with the turkey. I would help stuff and put it in the oven, then I would peel and cut up potatoes and carrots and set the table. Throughout the day, I would do little tasks that would make the day pleasant – arranging the flowers and, after she was born, watching our GD. When the turkey came out, I would make gravy.
If she was attending that year, the MOMMY would breeze in, bringing a store bought token and occasionally the boyfriend dujour. We would all eat dinner and dessert. And then the holiday would be over. As quickly as it started, it would be over. We would usually would pack up the dog and all the implements and leave on Friday – traveling the 6 hours back home. Needless to say – it always seemed to be a really looong, tiring holiday.
So what do we do now?
On Wednesday, I’ll bake some tarts, prep the stuffing, make the cranberry sauce, and prepare a squash puree.
On Thursday early we’ll build a fire, have breakfast and watch the parade and some of the dog show. We’ll play with our dogs. Around 1pm I’ll prepare and stuff the turkey and put it in the oven. I’ll peel the potatoes and carrots. At around 5pm, I’ll take the turkey out and make the gravy. We’ll eat at 6:30 – a far better time for us. And later, we’ll have our dessert while watching tv or a movie.
So what’s the difference? We don’t have to travel, We don’t have to sleep anywhere for 3 days, I don’t have to bring supplies anywhere. I have all my cookware available to me. I don’t have to put up with our ED’s and SIL’s smoking – the stink in our clothes and hair when we got home that made washing EVERY piece of clothing we brought there mandatory. My husband isn’t tired from driving, I’m much more relaxed.
But more important, we don’t have to suffer through forced conversations and jovial remarks. We don’t have to suppress how uncomfortable we were on the roll-out couch and then, the mattress with the coil poking through the surface. And, most important of all, we don’t have to see The MOMMY! To us, that’s a BIG win!
Our ED’s last words to us were that if we “didn’t forget about the past and learn to overcome our anger, we would be rendered “utterly alone””.
Hmm….let’s see – Drive long distances, work your ass off and deal with superficial bullshit or enjoy our holiday Utterly Alone. I think we have found just one more thing we can be thankful for.
Thanksgiving is just another day. Whether you are eating a dinner with a huge amount of people, or a sandwich by yourself, please stop and consider giving thanks for all those things you have gained in your journey of walking away: Peace of mind, independence of spirit and the absence of bullshit in your life.
Here’s wishing all of you a happy and peaceful and enjoyable Thanksgiving!
Sincerely,
T.K.